Five Hundred Followers, or Claire’s Comedic Genius takes a Bow

Gold500

Hallo, all! Have some cake.

I’ve been thinking – now that Electrica in the Desert has 500 followers, we could start a cult! I hadn’t given much thought to who would make the best leader, but – what? You say you want me? That’s one vote: I accept.

Bow down before me.

Hey, get back here, everyone! The doors are locked, so you might as well relax. I didn’t say it HAS to be a cult. Good grief, a minor proclivity for Divine Rights never hurt anyone.

 

Hmm…

Say, what about finance? For a modest $1,000 each, we’ll have $500,000 to invest. Just make your checks out to me – I might as well collect them now. I know people at a couple of Hedge Funds, and it will be a lot simpler if I handle everything. One less thing for you to worry about.

Me? A Communist? I don’t recall that information. Oh, but you do?Well, I’m not a real  communist anyway, more of a socialist-Marxist or prehaps a Marxist-socialist.

numbers

No,I don’t see any inconsistency there.

But you do, eh? Still?  Prehaps you’ve been reading too much Trotsky on a full stomach, then.  Ayn Rand, you say?

Oh my, is..I mean, is that still allowed?

I mean what I meant to say, yes of course, is that these are Cuban hedge funds with offices right in downtown Habana…yes, that does change things, doesn’t it?  Quite all right, then.

What’s that?

No I still have no names to provide. I don’t recall. I still don’t have that information.

 

jello_500

Well, I see it’s getting late, so I’ll adjourn the meeting now. No need to decide right away. Only, do give some thought to joining a small, private army – what’s that? Why, mine of course. A force of 500 could be very effective, but small enough to conceal if one had the acreage…

What, all of you already say no?

I see. I wonder if I could trade you in to WordPress for 500 different followers.

You know, it isn’t nearly as much fun having 500 followers as I thought it would be. I remember the carefree days when there were only 499 of you as if it were yesterday.

Oh wait. That was yesterday.

Ah, that was a simpler time…

 

500 Follows!

 

 

AFTER THE (LAPTOP) CRASH

im-sorry`

beback

i-ll-be-back-soon

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“Here I am! I promised I’d be ba- “

Hello? HEY! Hello!

 

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” Hey! I SAID I’m back! Wait! Don’t you want copies of my press release… check out my statement on Twitter!” 

————————————————–PressPass001

Andrew Reynolds, thanks a bunch for your generous cat  advice.You were right – Julio is almost twice as old as I thought he was, and thus didn’t make front page news. He’s evidently  not a WILD BEAST, but merely an adolescent, just as you diplomatically suggested.

VALERIE DAVIES – no, not you…move over, lady..yeah, YOU; thank-you, dear friend for hearing the distress call of a fictional cow seperated from a fictional herd on the other side of the planet.

Your  ears got so sharp from listening via your heart.

Oh I can’t find your email adress: can you send it to me?

XXOO

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ELLEN HAWLEY: You should get a medal for your patience. Please forgive me – I had no Internet acess at all. I’ll write soon!

Rosaliene Bacchus, Robyn Jambo, Derrick J. Knight, Stuart Bramhall, Ashi Akiri, Lens 1: thanks so much – and please everyone else – please forgive my haphazard brain for not listing all the rest of you dear lunkheads.

I have more notes for the rest of you lot, so please come by soon, and I’ll be over your way ASAP. (I’m still looking for lost files!)

 23541692

“Claire’s files are up..there. Somewhere….I think..”

Reporter’s Committee board member sues himself

sueshimself1Fed up with a prestigious non-profit’s long campaign to discredit the reporter it was mandated to defend, a well-known legal scholar and member of the Reporter’s Committee for Freedom of the Press’ steering committee decided late last week to sue himself.

“It wasn’t an accident at all. I’ve insisted for decades that the law is just a bunch of ideas constructed to buttress the status quo, so why NOT the idea of suing myself?” said Unger Delgado Kennedy-Horwitz by phone on Sunday. ” Hell, by now I am the status quo, and so is the RCFP! That’s why I’ll take this case all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court. If I lose, I pledge to appeal. If I win, I’m as equally bound to appeal, and I won’t rest until I’ve suceeded in imposing the kinds of sanctions on myself that I won’t ever forget.”

Kennedy-Horowitz paused. I got the distinct impression that he was scratching his head; in fact it emerged that he’d pulled out a few small tufts of hair.

“I’m pulling out my hair out over here” he told me. “Hey can you call me back in a hour? There’s another unemployed reporter at my door, asking for a handout – I think they leave a secret mark to let other reporters and embittered law school graduates know they can get a sandwhich here.”

Kennedy-Horowitz took the East Coast non-profit world by surprise when he broke all ties with the venerable First Amendment group last week.  Yesterday, he confirmed that his resignation protested the RCFP’s ongoing refusal to retract defamatory statements  its director had fabricated about a Kansas reporter several years ago. The Dodge City Globe’s Claire O’Brien had attracted general wrath when she sought to shine a national spotlight on a murder trial corrupted by racist violence and refused to reveal the identity of a confidential source.

Since I am, of course, that reporter, I received news of Kennedy-Horowitz’s actions with great interest. Two or three emails of support make me get up and dance for joy; thus I saw his lawsuit as I might a small line of tanks appearing on the horizon.

When I reached him again, Kennedy-Horowitz was in a thoughtful mood, and had little to say. “I’m eating a rice cake and I don’t even like them,” he confided, “Also, I’ve resigned my membership in the ACLU.”

He sighed heavily, apparently contemplating the complexity of his legal fate, then evidently decided to keep things simple:

“Hell, all I can be sure of at this point is one thing,” Kennedy-Horowitz said in a sanctimonous tone that, given the past several years, did not strike me as hyperbolic.   “I’m suing the shit out of myself.”

United States Supreme Court building.

Before departing to file both a motion against himself, as well as his answer to it, Kennedy-Horowitz emailed me a photo of a very small tin circle  backed by a pin. Four letters were boldly displayed on its faded surface:

R. C. F. P.

Reporter’s Committee for Freedom of the Press.

“It’s over forty years old,” he said. “I’m mailing it to you as a reminder for you to keep. Hopefully, we will all soon remember that a free press has never been just a bandwagon packed with lawyers and academics, defined solely by a series of power differentials”

I wished Kennedy-Horowitz well,  hoping fervently that he was right. Not only was my curiosity aroused by the existential and logistical  problems presented by his very emphatic legal plan, but I really, really don’t understand the way progressive lawyers think. They will lie in a heartbeat in the defense of Truth, and bulldoze your basic rights in the name of Justice .When it comes to egalitarianism, they are secret Federalists who care with breathtaking passion about their own careers. As for the ACLU, it is a bunch of thugs that will throw you under the nearest passing bus without skipping a beat. If you must meet with it, don’t do so in a dark alley.

But I’ve never been represented by counsel, as William Hurst of Albany, NY., Mark Johnson of Topeka, Kansas, Polly Sack of GateHouse Media, Lucy Dalglish,of the RCFP, Susan Hermann of Brooklyn College, and the Kansas-Missouri ACLU all well know. Thus, Kennedy-Horowitz’s actions require me to take yet another leap (well, step) of faith.

If the scope, crude methods, disorienting ruthlessness, and broader significance of the attack on me were made genuinely available to the public, would the next reporter prevented from defending herself have an easier time of it? Yes, I think she would. At the very least, her sojourn in Siberia would stretch on for perhaps one interminable year, rather than three and a half to four – believe me, that difference is a kind of lifetime. I also think that public awareness and opinion will make  reporters increasingly unwilling to collude in censorship and attack on a lone reporter,  year after year –  just because Lucy Dalglish wants them to. I share Kennedy-Horowitz’s  hope, if not his faith that we will remember what we all know, and have always known –  and that eventually, sooner rather than later, we’ll all say no.

” No.  No!   Shame on you.”

No.

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L U C Y  D A L G L I S H:  SHE’S  WATCHING  YOU.

Lucy Dalglish is the Director of the Reporter’s Committee for Freedom of the Press and the Dean of the University of Maryland’s College of Journalism. She lied to me while acting in her capacity as an attorney and she lied about me, calling me a liar, in a statement to the Associated Press in February of 2010. She made it her business to destroy my career in her attempts to cover her unethical and illegal actions, thus conspiring to criminally defame me.

I was truthful. Dalglish was not.

Dalglish censors news, people, and organizations, particularly the Society of Professional Journalists. She lies to the public, bullies the press, corrupts students, and decides who’s allowed to be a reporter and who isn’t.

A Major Blockade

DSCF7198Everything has more or less come to a grinding halt over here at Electrica in the Desert. This  increasingly frequent technological nightmare seems to develop  just when I have something profound to say. Nothing ever goes wrong when I little to say. Of course not.

Ah, information technology is a fickle, heartless mistress! I The bards have chronicled the bittersweet angst known to those who have given themselves fully to a back-up disc – only to face a maddening three way browser turf war.

 And to think I practically built SETS  for a couple of upcoming  posts.

I shall quote myself below on the matter, in an attempt to admire my past prose without appearing to actually repeat myself. ** (The quote will come after two stars like this at the very end of the post)

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Much more of this and I shall become a Luddite. I’m sure that old tire iron I’ve been lugging around the nation for three years could hold its own in a futile attempt to stem the flood of progress. Lord knows it wouldn’t know a tire if one bounced off its …head.

Please come back and visit very soon. Otherwise, we shall miss you.  Besides my Official Followers (bless you!), the rest of  all you lot (oh, I thought I was British for a second) have given me such a big head that I’ll never be able to negotiate the cognitive adjustment requisite for six readers or, worse, a ghastly three or …two.

ALONE TABLE ALONE DIESAL ALONE LITERATURE/NO CONVERSATION

CLAIRE O’BRIEN /2011

** “I tell you, blogging in the trenches can be hell.”   C. O’Brien

HEY, IS THIS ART?

Is this art? Or is it a drawer?
That bumpy yellow wall – what for?
I guess I was expecting more…
Look! The gum I lost awaits, resplendent:
Now that is what I call transcendent!

 

 

 

ALEC’S ENERGY PLAN HEADS FURTHER SOUTH

The Junior High School Press Association faces heavy sanctions for releasing photos of the toxic biohazards being cleaned up by thousands of Black prison inmates in an undisclosed 500 square mile location somewhere west of the Rockies.  This isn’t the first time the JHSPA has attracted the wrath of the American Legislative Executive Council, which has been granted expanded new powers to censor the media in the wake of an immigrant invasion of Arizona last August.

And it isn’t the first time JHSPA’S former Washington correspondent Tupac B. Wells, who took the photos, has received an serious blot on his permanent record. Wells, grade 8,  was recalled to  Frederick Douglas Junior High School in  Newark, New Jersey and demoted to the cafeteria beat shortly after the invasion for questioning ALEC’S  drone-based surveilence evidence of this drastic breach of our southern border.

Now, the 13 year-old reporter has been required to turn over all his photos to ALEC,  forbidden to leave Newark, and forced to write “I WILL be grateful to America” 1,000 times. Wells has been further demoted, this time to the afternoon recess beat, and his editor, Malcolm J. Baldwin, also an 8th grader, has been kicked down to the 7th Grade Society Desk. An investigation is under way to determine how Wells got assigned a national story when he should have been covering the cafeteria.

Baldwin has remained defiant in backing his reporter; meanwhile Wells  refuses to apologise to a New York Times correspondent whom he allegedly referred to as a cheap hack and an opportunistic tool.

The Times had no comment. Its reporter gave Wells the finger.

I.F. Stone’ Weekly continues to be banned.

READ POSTS DATED 6/8, 7/4, 7/19, AND 9/8 FOR BACKGROUND ON THIS CONTINUING STORY!

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Poverty kills people: Harvard stumped, Academy of Sciences “baffled”

Just when we thought we were all middle class, the Academy of Sciences caved in and said the P word, about six weeks before the big election.

 

Life Spans Shrink for Least-Educated Whites in the U.S.

By Sabrina Travernis,  New York Times.

9/20/1212

English: Harvard Yard winter 2009.

English: Harvard Yard winter 2009. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

(EXCERPTS)  The latest estimate shows life expectancy for (American) white women without a high school diploma is 73.5 years, compared with 83.9 years for white women with a college degree or more. For white men, the gap was even bigger: 67.5 years for the least educated compared with 80.4 for those with a college degree or better.

Researchers said they were baffled by the magnitude of the drop.

“There’s this enormous issue of why,” said David Cutler, an economics professor at Harvard. “It’s very puzzling and we don’t have a great explanation.”

The slump is so vexing that it became the subject of an inquiry by the National Academy of Sciences, which published a report on it last year.

“Something is going on in the lives of disadvantaged white women that is leading to some really alarming trends in life expectancy,” said Ms. Montez of Harvard.

The songs our Daddy sang / Zoominto

Poor whites across the nation are breaking out extra cartons of Bud  to celebrate the news that America’s top researchers and academics are already working on issues first identified in the 1970s.  Meanwhile, all black woman finally surpassed poor white women in 2006 have already identified  “evidence of a troubling pattern that has emerged for those at the bottom of the education ladder.”

In fact, a Professor Berkman has recently received a grant from the National Institute on Aging to fund a new cutting-edge study.

Berkman’s theory?

Low wage jobs could take a toll on health.

FROM ELECTRICA’S FREE-WITHOUT-A-GRANT INFO FILE

1) Poor people work harder than you do so that your life can be much easier and much longer than theirs. Their knowledge of this is perfect, keen, and burning.

2) Poor people do not give up their lives freely. They don’t donate them. They grieve them. That combined quarter-of-a-century lost by, say, a poor white married couple? (see stats above).

They want that 24 years back.  They also want – and much more than you can possibly imagine – their teeth. Poor people want their teeth back.

3) You’ll never know what poor people are thinking. But they’ll know what you’re thinking.

As for Electrica, we just want to be there when the American Dental Society pleads its case before the Almighty.

We’re praying for a press pass.

IMMIGRANT INVADERS RAID THE FEDERAL RESERVE

EMPRESS AND HER CABINET  LEAD ATTACK  IN PERSON

From left, Coordinator of Defense, known only as O’Boyle, Empress I’m the Boss of You, Secretary of State Kito Gamble, and Minister of Justice Joshua Drayton. Note that O’Boyle proudly rests her elbows on a weapon of mass destruction.

Following a shocking terrorist attack on the Federal Reserve, I.C.E, has been granted temporary political control of the nation.

Leaders of the government installed in Phoenix by the invading Zapata-Nat Turner-Geronimo Coalition raided the Federal Reserve in a surprise attack that immobilized the System’s Fourth District Bank in Cleveland, leaving its officers stunned and without comment. The operation was personally led by the Empress of America herself, whose full title is I’m the Boss of You IV.  She drove a custom-made Terror Tank, followed by two of the Coalition’s  international volunteer units, the Victor Jara Brigade (Chile) and the Harriet Tubman Brigade (US)

The House granted  Designated for Unilateral Approval status to the ICE National Emergency Plan, citing its authority in the absence of the Senate, the President, and the entire Cabinet.  ICE immediately declared martial law and issued a cautionary description of its authority to the public, detailing the broad scope of its new powers.  A sharp warning was directed to “the entire media, broadly defined”, promising swift penalties to those who questioned “the complete accuracy of the evidence, captured via state of the art surveillance technology.”

 

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As of press time,  ICE had forbidden the Future Farmers of America and the 4-H Club from issuing further “helpful comment”  identifying the WMD captured (above) on drone surveillance tapes.

“Pay attention to your chickens and hogs and leave national security to us, kids” they were warned.

ICE also banned the National Junior High School Press Association from further use of the word “wheelbarrow”, and sent its Washington correspondent, 8th grader Tupcac Wells, back to Newark, NJ.  Wells was demoted to the city desk and assigned the cafeteria beat. He was also given a year of after-school detention and informed of a write-up in his permanent record for a sarcastic editorial questioning the existence of the Presidential/Senate/Cabinet Extra Long Private Vacation.

ICE  praised the White House Press Corps for its patriotism and promised the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, and the Washington Post extended access to surveillance tapes of the invasion, including close-up footage of the Coalition’s weapons of mass destruction. Reporters from the three newspapers termed the existing evidence as meeting the highest standards of proof and said they saw no basis for investigating Wells’  allegations re. the PSCEL Private Vacation.

“Tupac was always lecturing us about something,” said a Washington Post Reporter. “I’m glad I don’t have to listen to the little show-off quote I.F.Stone anymore.”

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UPDATE:  I.F. Stone’s Weekly is banned until further notice