EMPRESS AND HER CABINET LEAD ATTACK IN PERSON
Following a shocking terrorist attack on the Federal Reserve, the American Legislative Executive Council has been granted temporary political control of the nation, pending Congressional approval of its National Security Emergency Action Plan.
Leaders of the government installed in Phoenix by the invading Zapata-Nat Turner-Geronimo Coalition raided the Federal Reserve in a surprise attack that immobilized the System’s Fourth District Bank in Cleveland, leaving its officers stunned and without comment. The operation was personally led by the Empress of America herself, who was driving a custom made Terror Tank, followed by two of the Coalition’s international volunteer units, the Victor Jara Brigade (Chile) and the Harriet Tubman Brigade (US)
The House granted Designated for Unilateral Approval status to the ALEC Plan, citing its authority in the absence of the Senate, the President, and the entire Cabinet. ALEC immediately declared martial law and issued a cautionary description of its authority to the public, detailing the broad scope of its new powers. A sharp warning was directed to “the entire media, broadly defined”, promising swift penalties to those who questioned “the complete accuacy of the attached evidence, captured via state of the art survellience technology.”
As of press time, ALEC had forbidden the Future Farmers of America and the 4-H Club from issuing further “helpful comment” identifying the WMD captured (above) on drone suvelience tapes. “Pay attention to your chickens and hogs and leave national security to us, kids” they were warned.
ALEC also banned the National Junior High School Press Association from further use of the word “wheelbarrow”, and sent its Washington corresspondent, 8th grader Tupcac Wells, back to Newark, NJ. Wells was demoted to the city desk and assigned the cafeteria beat. He was also given a year of after-school detention and informed of a write-up in his permanent record for a sarcastic editorial questioning the existence of the Presidential/Senate/Cabinet Extra Long Private Vacation.
ALEC praised the White House Press Corps for its patriotism and promised the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, and the Washington Post extended access to surviellence tapes of the invasion, including close-up footage of the Coalition’s weapons of mass destruction Reporters from the three newspapers termed the existing evidence as meeting the highest standards of proof and said they saw no basis for investigating Wells’ allegations re. the PSCEL Private Vacation.
“Tupac was always lecturing us about something,” said a Washington Post Reporter. “I’m glad I don’t have to listen to the little show-off quote I.F.Stone anymore.”
UPDATE: I.F. Stone’s Weekly is temporarily banned until further notice